Random thoughts #1

I lay in my bedroom looking at the ceiling, reminiscing the times we spent together, the times we talked, the times you'd encouraged me and the people around me, the people who mattered. Even the simple gestures like putting your arm around me, hugging me goodbye. Moments like these i hope we can revive again are all, for one, lost.

I'm hoping what you said about how you had no problem with it is actually true. I don't like to be lied to. I'm hoping you'll come back one day and change your mind. But these feelings i can't change, i can't conceal.

I closed my eyes and as i listened to the sounds of Ian Axel's piano playing, i put my hands into action and realized what singing and playing with emotion meant. It actually opens up wounds and it frees one's mind so clearly. Not forgetting to mention that it'll make your voice jittery and vulnerable.

I thought about you as the lyrics went through my mind. Are you going to Say Something to me, because i'm clearly on the edge of giving up everything we used to go through together as great friends. Are we actually really okay? Are you giving up our conversations just because you want my feelings for you to vanish into thin air just like that? It isn't that easy. Just like how you fell for her.

Are you actually okay with this whole thing because you're making me feel confuse. My mind rages every night just thinking of how you haven't replied at all for a week or more.

Your actions are making me cold, weak, they aren't helping at all.

I wish my hands were in your hands, sitting under the stars, on top of a hill or just sitting in your car laying our heads on each other like how we used to (but in a friendly gesture). I wish that you'd be the writer and decide the words i say, be the artist and make me out of clay. You are a dream come true. I wish i was your dream come true.

I'm laying here aimlessly waiting for a miracle that will never happen. 

Facing my friends and having to talk about you and her isn't easy at all. The past is something i'm sure you would not like having us talk about, or even yourself for that matter. Having them constantly mentioning you with her and getting me involved makes me feel vulnerable at the same time. I wish that you were me, so you'd feel this feeling.
 It's neither a good sight having to see their naive looks (no offence to anyone) when they talk about you and her. I'd wish they'd talk about you and i instead. Never gonna happen.
 
I am human, i have feelings, i feel jealous sometimes, knowing that you still have feelings for her. It's not that i dislike anyone. Like i said, i am human.  

Beyoncé | Jealous

"Sometimes I want to walk in your shoes
Do the type of things that I never ever do
So I take one look in the mirror and I say to myself,
"Baby girl, you can't survive like this."" 

I really do. 

I hope you do realize that miss, you're one very lucky woman to have him still thinking about you. I hope that one day you'll patch it all up with him and realize that you are, a lucky woman. You just have no idea. I hope you'd go back to the days where you were named princess and he was named prince by everyone around you. But in my heart, i've always hoped that i were you.

Men like you who are so poised, so rare, so mature, so gentlemanly, so handsome, so refined and yet so young are hard to come by these days. I'm glad that you've changed for the better since the first day i met you, the first day i laid my eyes upon you. I hope you do realize that you're one in a million and that you are uniquely you.

I just wish that you weren't the same because it's hard to give up on you.

I'm hoping that neither both of us gives up our friendship. I hope that i'll get over you someday. One day.  

I just want us. I just want to be your pillow. I just want your perseverance and motivation to be on me. I guess it's all too much to ask for. I take that back,

I just still want you to be my great friend and my brother.